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April 1, 2024

Is My Husband Controlling Quiz

Kristie Plantinga
a white man looks threateningly into the camera; is my husband controlling
April 1, 2024
5 min to read
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Being in an unhealthy, controlling relationship can be an incredibly isolating and demoralizing experience. You may feel constantly criticized, monitored, or forced to change fundamental parts of who you are to please your partner. 

Your self-esteem has likely taken a beating as your husband's demands and jealousy have made you question your own worth and judgment. You may be torn between loving your husband and recognizing that his behavior is unacceptable. 

If you suspect that you are being abused, please go to the the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support is available, and you're not alone. Almost half of all men and women in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Please know that you are not alone and that no one deserves to be controlled or abused. This short quiz can help shed some light on whether your husband's behavior constitutes an unhealthy level of control. 

No matter the results, counseling resources are provided to help you start regaining your voice, independence, and sense of self.

How accurate is this quiz?

At Best Therapists, we believe that online mental health quizzes can be an excellent first step towards improving our mental health. Quizzes like this one can educate you and provide opportunities for self-reflection, but note that they are not a substitute for professional assessments and diagnoses.

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Your privacy is important to us, so all results are completely anonymous and no email is required.

Example controlling scenarios

Here are some scenarios to consider as you reflect on your relationship with your husband and wonder about controlling behavior:

Scenario 1 → The financial puppet master

  • Looking nack: Early in the relationship, your husband offered to manage all the finances "to simplify things." Over time, you have little to no access to shared accounts or control over your own spending money. He might make you feel guilty about any purchases you make without his approval.
  • Controlling behavior: This isolates you financially and makes you dependent on him, limiting your autonomy and decision-making power.

Scenario 2 → The social secretary

  • Looking back: Your husband discourages or actively prevents you from seeing your friends and family. He might make excuses, criticize your social circle, or get upset if you make plans without him.
  • Controlling behavior: This isolates you from your support system and gives your husband more control over whom you interact with.

Scenario 3 → The gatekeeper of communication

  • Looking back: Your husband monitors your phone calls, texts, and social media activity. He might question who you talk to or get angry if you don't disclose every detail of your conversations.
  • Controlling behavior: This is a violation of privacy and a way to monitor your behavior and limit your connections with others.

Scenario 4 → The fashion police

  • Looking back: Your husband constantly criticizes your clothing choices or pressures you to dress in a way that pleases him. He might make you feel insecure or ashamed of your body image.
  • Controlling behavior: This undermines your self-confidence and reduces you to an object he wants to control.

Scenario 5 → The "just joking" excuse

  • Looking back: Your husband belittles you or makes hurtful jokes that disguise emotional abuse. He might dismiss your concerns by saying he was "just kidding" or make you feel like you're overreacting for being upset.
  • Controlling behavior: This gaslighting tactic minimizes your feelings and makes it difficult to trust your own perception of reality.

Remember, these are just a few examples. If your husband exhibits consistent patterns of controlling behavior that make you feel unsafe, isolated, or emotionally abused, it's important to seek help from a trusted source or domestic violence hotline. You are not alone.

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Written by
Kristie Plantinga

Kristie Plantinga is the founder of Best Therapists. Along with being on the client-side of therapy, Kristie has had the honor of working directly with therapists in her marketing agency for therapists, TherapieSEO. While working alongside therapists, she learned about the inequities in our mental health system that therapists face on a daily basis, and she wanted to do something about it. That’s why Best Therapists is a platform designed to benefit not only therapy-seekers, but therapy providers. Kristie has a Masters degree in Written Communication and a Bachelors degree in Psychology and Music.

Reviewed by
Katelyn McMahon
Registered Psychotherapist, VT #097.0134200

Katelyn is a therapist-turned-writer with a passion for mental health. She has a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of England and is a Registered Psychotherapist in the state of Vermont. Katelyn has professional experience in aging care, addiction treatment, integrated health care, and private practice settings. She also has lived experience being on the client side of therapy. Currently, Katelyn is a content writer who’s passionate about spreading mental health awareness and helping other therapists and therapy-seekers Do The Work.

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